I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
