Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
