I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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