Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
