found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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