I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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