no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
