Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
