Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
