DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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