Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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