i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
