She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
