you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
