I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
