my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
