I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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