i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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