i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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