You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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