You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
