just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
