You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
