Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I want a musical about memes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
