You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
