I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
