How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
