god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
