Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
