I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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