I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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