Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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