we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
