hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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