I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
