i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
