two words: eviction party
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
