dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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