So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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