we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
