He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
