THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
