Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
