she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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