the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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