Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
