I checked into jail on foursquare
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
