I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
