47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
