when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
