I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
