Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
