And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
