one might say we're banned from that church
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
