as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
