Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
