Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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