dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
