we made out on top of his cat.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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