i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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