I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
